


Betrayal

by ellebeedarling



Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Explicit Language, M/M, Pre-Relationship, Renegade Shepard - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-19
Updated: 2018-06-19
Packaged: 2019-05-25 15:23:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,743
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14980013
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ellebeedarling/pseuds/ellebeedarling
Summary: Hackett sends Shepard on a mission to Nonuel to negotiate peace with a pirate. Unsurprisingly, the mission ends with everyone dead. Kaidan has become used to this scenario from his CO, so he's surprised when Shepard vanishes after returning to the Normandy and decides to go check on him.





	Betrayal

**Author's Note:**

> I've been playing ME for over 10 years now, and I've only ever gotten the mission to Nonuel once in all that time. (You have to be at least 75% renegade to get it.) After playing the mission for the first time, I decided to write this little piece. 
> 
> Pre-mshenko

Kaidan knocked hesitantly on the Commander’s door. Shepard was rarely in a good mood, but he was always there for the crew if they needed him. They didn’t always like the answer he gave them, but each team member knew they could depend on Shepard to be honest with them, brutally so, whenever they needed advice. 

 

That was why it was odd that he’d sequestered himself in his quarters since returning from Nonuel. As missions went, it had been an easy one. When “Lord” Darius had opened his mouth for the first time, Kaidan had known the man would be dead within minutes. He’d thought it odd that Hackett would send a man like Shepard to negotiate peace with anyone. According to the Commander, the Admiral had insisted, saying that Shepard was the only one who could accomplish the mission. 

 

During the drive to the Warlord’s base, Shepard’s persistent scowl had smoothed into a look of confusion that was at odds with the man’s typical confidence. Shepard was sure of himself, to the point of arrogance, at all times. Kaidan had never seen him hesitate. It was comforting and inspiring, despite the fact that there were many moments when he disagreed with the Commander’s assessment of a situation and the resulting actions he took. 

 

Still, it was no surprise that the mission had ended with every thug in the warehouse dead. The surprise came with Shepard’s seclusion, and Kaidan was determined to get to the bottom of it. 

 

He had to strain to hear the quiet, “Come in,” from inside the room, but when he palmed the lock, the door slid open. The sight before him was shocking. Shepard sat in a chair at the table in the center of his room, and Kaidan wasn’t sure he’d ever seen a man looking more haggard. Bloodshot eyes peered up at him, and the entire room reeked of liquor. Shepard clutched a half-empty bottle of some amber liquid in his fist, lifting it to his lips as Kaidan watched from his spot just inside the doorway. 

 

“Have a drink with me, Lieutenant,” Shepard demanded in his customary curt tone.

 

“I’m on duty, sir,” Kaidan informed him. 

 

“Fuck duty,” Shepard slurred, staggering to his feet and crossing the room. He shoved the bottle toward Kaidan, not stopping till it was pressed firmly against his chest. “I said drink.” 

 

That voice, always just this side of menacing, sent a shiver down Kaidan’s spine that was equal parts fear and desire, and he wrapped his fingers around Shepard’s, obeying the man’s command, bringing the bottle to his lips. His Commander kept a firm grip on the bottle, eyes tracking Kaidan’s movements, alarmingly observant of every minuscule detail, despite his inebriation. 

 

“Better,” Shepard muttered, suddenly breaking contact then stumbling toward his bed. “To what do I owe the pleasure, Alenko?” he asked when he was seated on the mattress.

 

Kaidan watched as his Commander removed both boots and socks, wiggling his toes against the cold metal floor. “I was coming to check up on you, Sir.” He finally dragged his eyes away from Shepard’s bare feet and up to his eyes. A smirk twisted the man’s lips. 

 

“I’m perfectly fine,” he said. “As you can clearly see.” Shepard took another swig from the bottle. 

 

“That’s ah… I think that’s a matter of opinion… sir,” Kaidan said with a breath of laughter. 

 

“On this ship, mine is the only opinion that matters,” Shepard told him with one of his trademark scowls. “I said I’m fine.” 

 

“With all due respect, I don’t believe you.” 

 

He half expected Shepard to fling a shockwave at him and send him crashing into the wall, but it never came. 

 

“Have a seat,” the Commander gestured to the chair he’d vacated before. “And fucking relax. I’m not going to kill or attack you. I know I can be an asshole, but shit… I’m not an idiot. I know I need you on this mission.” 

 

“I wasn’t worried, sir.” 

 

“Bullshit,” Shepard laughed. “I can practically smell your fear. Hell, Alenko, I’m fully aware that my reputation precedes me. I’m also painfully aware of the rest of the Alliance’s opinion of me. If they had their way, they’d bury me under the goddamn brig, but… they need me, so here I am.” A billowy sigh followed his declaration. 

 

Kaidan dragged the chair closer to Shepard’s bed and took a seat, reaching for the bottle in the Commander’s hand. “Do you mind?”

 

Shepard shrugged and watched with eagle-sharp eyes as he took a drink. Kaidan was content to let the silence linger, waiting for Shepard to either pass out or decide to open up. He didn’t have to wait too long. 

 

“Hackett set me up… with Darius,” he sighed, accepting the bottle back and drinking another swallow. “He knew I didn’t have the temperament to negotiate with that self-important jackass. He knew I’d kill him without having to order me to do it, and my Spectre status makes me untouchable by either the Alliance or the Council. I have a free pass to kill whomever I please, Lieutenant. It’s a rather… unsettling feeling.” 

 

Kaidan used the time it took to swallow some more of the bourbon to formulate his response. “It’s more comforting than you realize that you feel that way, Shepard,” he said at last. “You… Some of the decisions you’ve made have seemed a little… harsh. I’m glad to know that you…” He stopped knowing there was no way to finish that thought without insulting the man sitting beside him. 

 

“You think I’m a trigger-happy madman too, huh?” Shepard asked with a chuckle. 

 

There was no response to that. Honestly, what could Kaidan say? It was true. Shepard was notorious for shooting first, asking questions later - or not at all. Everyone knew it, and up until this very moment, Kaidan had assumed that was the way he preferred it. The man made no attempts to hide his ruthless nature, and honestly, Kaidan couldn’t understand why this was affecting him so this time. 

 

“I’d literally kill for a cigarette right now,” Shepard muttered, then grinned. “Not really. I’ve never killed anyone for anything so petty. I actually do give a little forethought before pulling the trigger, you know?”

 

“Glad to hear it, Sir.” 

 

Shepard rolled his eyes. “We’re gonna be great friends, you and me, Alenko,” he said, slapping the Lieutenant on the back before standing and crossing to his desk. He closed up the bourbon and stashed it in a drawer before turning to face Kaidan again. “Don’t tell anyone that’s in there,” he winked. “It’s contraband, you know.” 

 

“Mum’s the word, Shepard,” Kaidan assured him with a grin. 

 

“So you want to know why this has upset me so. Why being used by the Alliance to do what I’m known for has me wanting to drown my sorrows in a whiskey river.” Shepard crossed his arms over his chest, practically glaring at Kaidan. He half sat on the desk as he stared into the Lieutenant’s brown eyes. “What are you known for, Kaidan? Is it alright if I call you Kaidan?” 

 

“Fine by me, Shepard,” he said with a shrug. “Uh… I guess my biotics. I’m something of an anomaly in the Alliance. There still aren’t a ton of human biotics.”

 

“And if every time the Alliance needed someone biotically blasted into oblivion, you were the one man they called, without fail? What if you became Kaidan Alenko: Biotic Enforcer, and that was the reputation that followed you everywhere you went? And if it came to the point that everyone in the galaxy feared and hated you, but the Alliance viewed you as their possession, their secret weapon… their tool? Tell me, Kaidan… how would that make you feel?” 

 

“Pretty shitty, sir,” Kaidan admitted. 

 

“I know who I am, Alenko. I have no delusions. I’m not a lovable guy. Hell, I’m not even a likable guy. What I am is a man who doesn’t like being used. A man who appreciates it when people are forthcoming. Particularly when my fucking  _ superiors _ are forthcoming about mission details. What I hate… what I fucking _ despise _ … is being duped into killing someone because my commanding officer is too chickenshit to either do it himself or to tell me the goddamn truth about why he’s sending me into a mother-fucking situation. And maybe it’s shallow and petty, but… I really can’t stand being so goddamned predictable that he knew I’d kill that piece of shit without him having to order me to do it. He used me, Kaidan, and that’s a pretty shitty feeling. So… forgive me for wanting a little time to feel sorry for myself!” 

 

The grin that spread across Kaidan’s face took them both by surprise, and when Shepard glared harder, Kaidan snickered. “You’re going to break your face if you keep pinching it down like that.” 

 

The ridiculous comment stunned a laugh out of Shepard, and the pair of them basked in the brief moment of levity while it lasted. 

 

“Feel better?” Kaidan asked, a smile lingering on his lips. 

 

“A bit,” Shepard admitted. His sapphire gaze locked with Kaidan’s, some calculation going on there. Just when Kaidan thought he had an inkling what the look might mean, Shepard straightened. “Thanks for the pep-talk, Lieutenant.” 

 

Kaidan knew a dismissal when he heard one. “Anytime, sir,” he said with a nod, his smile fading away. It felt wrong to leave Shepard alone, but it was apparent that’s all the man wanted. The casual atmosphere of the room had vanished, and Kaidan was now in the presence of his commanding officer, not his… friend. 

 

He saluted, standing at attention until Shepard returned the gesture with a wry twist of his lips. Just as the door to Shepard’s cabin was closing, he heard a quiet voice behind him, “Goodnight, Kaidan,” followed by a long sigh of defeat. 

 

Pretending not to have heard, Kaidan hightailed it toward the showers. He wasn’t sure how to interpret everything that had just happened or the feelings it inspired. He wasn’t sure he was quite ready to acknowledge anything more than a deep respect and admiration for Shepard, though at the end, there had definitely been some sort of current flowing between them. 

 

Shaking his head to clear it, Kaidan stepped into the shower. The hot water would wash away his confusion enough to let him sleep. The rest, he could worry about later. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! 
> 
> Find me on Tumblr: [ellebeedarling](http://ellebeedarling.tumblr.com)
> 
> Much love,   
> Elle


End file.
